I know, it doesn’t feel remotely sexy or fun booking in sexy time with your partner…

But GURL, this pussy ain’t gonna lick itself.

When you’ve got kids, work and sleep all knocking at the door, sometimes this is the only way you’re going to fit it in (literally :D). And I get it, no one really warns you about sex after kids. 

Let’s be honest, when you and your partner haven’t fucked in a while, shit gets tense. Things get snippier and more passive aggressive. Sex is the sticky glue that keeps you together, keeps you out of the “room-mate” phase and helps you through the trenches.

When I was married, it was something I would plan for. Get the kids to bed, shower, light some candles… and maybe skip the heavy dinner. Bloated, gassy bowels DO NOT make for a relaxed cooch. Now granted, I was always the one making the effort, which wasn’t sexy… and now we’re divorced. Make of that, what you will.

Why Scheduled Sex Still Slaps

Now I’m a single mama, I don’t live with my partner… it actually takes MORE planning. Some nights we’re so dog tired, looking at each other like, “Dude, I don’t know how we’re going to make this happen!”

But we do — and once we get through the first awkward moments of “Welcome to The Scheduled Sex Time Session,” it’s on, it’s hot and we NEVER regret it.

It’s also super sexy building that anticipation. Knowing tonight is SEX NIGHT. Some dirty texts, a little nude pic, maybe plan an outfit, tell each other what we’re going to do to each other… it will get your juices flowing.

Ladies need mental prep; in fact, it’s mostly a mental game for us. So, tell him that’s what you need to feel sexy.

I HATE morning sex. Thankfully so does my partner.

We’re an afternoon (if kid free) and night sex couple (after kids have gone to bed… which is getting trickier as my eldest stays up later. Figuring that one out! Eek!).

Block the Time, Block out the Pressure

I look at it like this: you don’t hate it when you go to scheduled dinners, events or if you play a sport. You still enjoy the game.

Get the diary out, block the time, shower and show up.

Also, take the pressure off you both having an orgasm. Sometimes you’re JUST. TOO. TIRED. But the physical touch and intimacy is really important, and chances are, you’ll get there. Or get yourself there while he watches… that can be fun too.

Love you, sexy bitch. Go get ’em.

xo Sal