“My hair was brittle and lifeless.”

“Solution? Pantene shampoo and conditioner with Pro-Vitamin B5. It penetrates from the roots to the tips, making your hair so healthy that it shines.”

“It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen!” a baby-faced supermodel, Rachel Hunter, promises.

If you grew up a millennial kid in ’90s Australia, that gloriously cheesy ad was basically baked into your psyche. We’d reenact it with our friends, dramatically flicking our hair like we’d just stepped off the commercial set.

Decades later, that line hits a little differently.

Because instead of my hair being brittle and lifeless, it was the person staring back at me in the mirror who felt a little… flat.

Postpartum round two, officially finished having kids, my soul desperately needed some Pantene Pro-V to help get my shiny ‘pink’ back. That sparkly, fully-charged, spontaneous version of myself who had style, autonomy, opinions and an identity beyond just “muuuuuum”. 

Having kids is unquestionably one of the most incredible, transformative experiences of our lives. But the sacrifices along the way are also par for the course – the toll on your physical and mental health, the enormous responsibility of keeping a tiny human alive… and sometimes, along the way, a little (or a lot) of the colour may quietly drain from you – the motherboard of this whole life-giving, life-growing operation. 

Perhaps you’re popping your head up from the milky haze of the newborn days and thinking –  hang the flock on, where did my pink go?

If so, welcome. You’re in the right place!

Reclaiming one’s spark and sense of self has pretty much become my area of expertise. So much so that I now co-host an entire podcast about it, called The Fifth Trimester, with my best friend and fellow mother-of-two, Lu Reeves.

Our weekly show is all about helping millennial mums find themselves again. Because while we’re absolutely committed to parenting hard, we’re equally committed to living with just as much gusto.

And sometimes, getting your pink back starts with the smallest things. Instead of overhauling our lives in a fast and dramatic fashion, which so often doesn’t actually work in the long run (looking at you, New Year’s resolutions), I believe that micro-habits are the best place to start to finding yourself again.

It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen! 

Here are some of my favourite, tried-and-tested ways to get your pink back. 

Tiny acts of agency, because pink often returns when you do something just for you

1. Choose one daily non-negotiable pleasure.

This is not ‘take a bubble bath, light a scented candle’ and tick off your self-care moment for the year. This is a daily, non-negotiable pleasure just for you. 

Whether it’s a hot coffee in the sun, reading three pages of a book (or an audiobook – a busy mum’s best friend), listening to a podcast and lying horizontal on the couch (NOT folding the washing at the same time), or having a long chat on the phone to a bestie. 

Don’t think of it as a treat! If I hear one more mum say that going to the supermarket solo is her daily reward, I’mma eat the trolley.

This is a daily ~moment~ for you, because you’re a person too.

2. Wear something that has zero function

Yes, living in Lycra 99% of the week is probably all of our realities right now. 

But I can’t tell you how good it feels when you force yourself to put together a fun ’fit just because. 

I spend every Wednesday with my four-year-old daughter. We don’t venture far – the pool for her swimming lesson, usually followed by the playcentre next door – but most weeks, I force myself TO WEAR A FUN ’FIT. And it’s great! I feel elevated and like a functioning member of society. 

If you really want to step it up a notch, I dare you to rock a daytime sequin, an obnoxiously bright lippy or even some dangly earrings. 

3. Make one decision without explaining it

Jane Fonda once said, “No is a complete sentence.”

As someone with a long history of overwriting “Sorry, I can’t make it” texts with far too many paragraphs and elaborate explanations, this idea genuinely revolutionised my world. Leaning into a distinct choice, whether it’s a full-body yes or a firm no, and simply sticking with it is pretty fucking liberating.

Give it a try! 

No long-winded justification or convoluted apology. Just a clean answer.

And while we’re at it, the next time you write an email or text, remove the ‘just’. Back yourself, baby!

No (and yes!) are both perfectly complete sentences. And when in doubt, ask yourself – what would Jane do?

4. Consume content that isn’t useful

Our feeds are awash with parenting experts telling us how we should and shouldn’t parent our kids, memes telling us how we should and shouldn’t parent our kids, and far-flung faces from high school we haven’t seen in 20 years… telling us how we should and shouldn’t parent our kids. 

It’s a lot. 

Rewire your algorithm with some light and fluffy content that’s not parenting-adjacent.

The easiest way to do it is to simply type in something like –  

“Carolyn Bessette Kennedy fashion”

“Leo Woodall, no shirt”

“Spice Girls live”

And voilà, you’ve successfully rewired your algo to think you’re a fashion-forward, Leo-Woodall-thirsting, Spice Girls fanatic. That’s definitely not what I type in, it’s just an example (cough, cough). 

Body-based reconnection (without fixing anything – because pink lives in the body, not the to-do list)

5. Move in a way that isn’t corrective

Wherever you’re at in your postpartum journey, exercise has become a bit of a stick to beat ourselves with.  

Whether it’s doing our exercises from the physio to strengthen our pelvic floor or regular Pilates classes to erase signs of having ever carried another human in our miraculous bodies. 

And of course, exercise is important for our bodies and our brains, but so is moving your body for the sake of it. 

No Strava upload of a specific goal in mind. In fact, I recently just deleted Strava off my phone – BUH BYE! I run at the pace of a snail and don’t need an app to tell me that. 

Whack on a banger playlist while you boil your egg and let loose on the kitchen dance floor like you’re at Club 77 in 2007. 

Go for a walk and don’t count the steps. 

Stretch on the living room floor while the kids watch KPop Demon Hunters umpteenth time.

Embrace beautiful, uncomplicated movement that reminds you that your body is still yours.

6. Rest without earning it

We are told time and time again that you “can’t pour from an empty cup”, so we really shouldn’t need a permission slip to have a cheeky nap or feel guilty for wanting one.

As a lifelong, deeply committed napper, I’ll seize on any opportunity to pull up the doona and catch some zeds. That might be a quiet Saturday arvo while the kids are watching a movie, or a Thursday lunchtime after I’ve just finished a massive project (#freelancelyfe) and have a precious window of time before school pick-up. 

If I’m pressed for time, I also LOVE setting an alarm for 20 minutes and lying down in the bottom bunk of my daughter’s room. They have blackout blinds, and I crank up the white noise, and it’s like my very own sensory deprivation tank. I don’t fall asleep. I just cocoon myself in the quiet, peaceful dark room and calm my thoughts.  

Rest shouldn’t be something we bank up for when we’re deathly ill and running on fumes. Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is simply rest and reset without a reason.

7. Touch that’s not functional

Being a mum involves a lot of touch – holding cute little hands as you cross the road, changing nappies, soul-affirming cuddles, and sloppy kisses. You live with a beautiful barnacle on your person. 

What you’re often missing in these early years is touch that’s just for you. 

Get a massage (this is my absolute non-negotiable. Yep, I’m on a first-name basis with my masseuse, Joey, and have a loyalty card with him).

Moisturise your body ever so slowly after a shower instead of speeding through it because someone else needs something.

Bury your phone in your knicker drawer and simply exist in the world for a beat without doom scrolling.  

These precious little moments send a powerful message to your nervous system: you’re allowed to slow the fuck down and you still belong to yourself, too.

Creative pink (low pressure, no output)

8. Write one sentence a day and stop

Write one sentence a day and stop. It’s not even a gratitude journal. Just one line, a simple thought, that’s all yours and not to be shared. This is exercising creativity without pressure to perform or post, and it’s oh-so-glorious. 

9. Make something badly on purpose

For this exercise, we must put optimisation in the bin. 

Done? 

Fab! 

Now, you need to cook something and bomb. Just this week, following a step-by-step recipe for dummies, I accidentally put the salad dressing component of honey, lemon juice and oil into the lamb roti filling and baked it in the oven. An absolute ball drop, but guess what? It tasted strangely delicious.   

Draw something that looks like a four-year-old did it. 

Create a floral arrangement that would make a florist break out in hives. 

Slowly building up our creative muscle is a one-way ticket to Pink Town. 

10. Return to something you loved pre-kids, or fall in love with something new

I like to call this “finding your fishing”, and I’ve spoken about it on the podcast before. Why should men get all the fun hobbies that take up half the weekend?

I believe one of the most sure-fire ways to rediscover your precious pink is to find your fishing – the mum equivalent of fishing, golf or surfing. Of course, maybe you actually like one of those things! It’s not gender-specific, after all.

Whatever it is, reconnect with something you loved pre-kids that used to light you up. Or perhaps, now that you’re on the other side of those early years, you’re ready to start something entirely new.

It could be joining a book club, an art class, learning to cross-stitch, becoming a live art class nude model (which doesn’t seem so scary after giving birth and a million strangers have seen you butt naked, tbh), or simply taking a weekly one-hour walk along the beach all by your goddamn self.

And it doesn’t have to be a stereotypical hobby either (mine are napping and dancing to live music).

The point isn’t to reclaim your old self, it’s to meet her where she is now.

Xo Bella